My Grown Up Gratitude List

I thought that maybe since I give a list for my birthday that it might be nice to give a grown up gratitude list, a list of things that I have found and find myself grateful for that have been revealed to me this year. I say revealed because some of the things on the list aren't simply the usual things that we rattle off when we are given the five kernels of corn as a favor at a Thanksgiving dinner, many are familiar with this tradition practiced in many homes where you are to offer a thankfulness for each kernel of corn on the table in front of you.

My family doesn't do this, in fact since Pop passed away in 2006 the annual Thanksgiving meal has been one that Mom and I shared while my sisters went to their in-laws or did whatever it was that they were doing that day. Thanksgiving was really not a large holiday when I was growing up, generally it was just our household at the table. I well recall my father's table grace, not invoked often but it went like this, “The Lord knows we are grateful or he would not have given it to us.” I suppose that it was my father's public prayer and not his personal prayer. I learned hours before he died that my father was a man of prayer, something that I really didn't know, but do we really know that about one another?

So here goes, my Grown Up Gratitude List:

I am grateful that when I was suffering in heart intensely after Thanksgiving last year, I found a swift kick in the Levis was the cure.

I'm thankful that I felt that swift kick a week later and followed in the direction of the trajectory.

I'm thankful that I found a place to worship where I can worship without distraction, where falling to one's knees to pray is not expected, but accepted. A posture of humbleness for me I am grateful that I came to accept that practice early on.

I'm thankful that I have a caring family, actually, I have two, one of blood and one of choice. The ones of choice are not called friends in this case, they are truly a family of choice and if they read this, I want them to know that my gratitude for them is as deep and as intense as that for my family of blood.

I'm thankful that I have a few friends who go above and beyond simple caring, they love with an intensity that could only be compared to being in that area that spans both friend and family. Thinking of a couple of them, I know that they pray for me daily, that they worry about me when things are rough and they know that I offer the same for them, I am grateful beyond measure for them and I am grateful that I can do the same for them, that God has given me strength and insight to do so.

I'm grateful to God for those who minister to me, theirs is surely the kingdom of heaven. I'm grateful to my parish priest for the way that he has been a support to me in these last few months, understanding grief and the dark nights of the soul. I am grateful for my friends Tom and Beth who have held my hand on two of the most difficult days of this year. I offer thanksgiving for Moot and Poot for the way that they minister, not just to me, but to a host of others, that goes for Tom and Beth as well. I am grateful as well for a some others who have held my hand in a virtual way through cyberspace, it's been like they were here in my living room hearing me when I could tell no one else.

I'm grateful to Troy and Duane who came to care when I needed it.

I'm so thankful that I was able to walk from one job to another without having to see one day without pay.

I'm thankful for opportunities that presented themselves in odd ways, but without a doubt in my mind where the workings of God in my life.

I'm thankful for having food and an appetite, many don't have one, the other or both. In that line I am thankful that to date I've lost about 20+ pounds.

I offer gratitude for a dry place to live, warm unless the wind beats in from the northwest. Then I am grateful for the steam when it comes and the layers that I can put on until it does. So I am grateful to have warm clothing too.

I am grateful for and to my mother, who loves me and does a tremendous favor for me each week as she does my laundry. (For those reading this, she wants to do it, I don't ask her and I see that she knows my appreciation and thankfulness.) I'm thankful for her beyond measure, she knows me so well, listens to my stories and groanings and laughs at my jokes...still.

I'm thankful that she puts my shirts on wire hangers and doesn't beat me with them. I love you mommy dearest.

I'm thankful that I have transportation and that gas has gone down.

I offer gratitude for the music that I can listen to that comforts and sooths, like the music I'm listening to as I write this.

I'm grateful that I've been able to avoid Christmas in July, August, September, October and most of November and that I've not heard Silent Night yet.


This year there is another list of gratitudes that will tell where else I've been on my journey through the last few pages of the calendar. For many this list might be cryptic, that's okay, we don't have to know everything in order to understand another's gratitude, and some of the things that we are grateful for are deeply personal and yet somehow only seem to be even more valuable when they are said aloud.

I have a great measure of gratitude for a hand laid on the left shoulder when approached from behind.

I so treasure and am so grateful for 6:30am phone calls that I still look at the clock at that time and wait for for the phone to ring, even though it doesn't.

I'm grateful for hand holding, there is no greater feeling of comfort when there is no discomfort.

I'm very grateful for the imperfections in body and yet even more grateful to God for the way that those imperfections are made perfect in his time and in his presence.

I'm grateful beyond measure that God has provided a comfort in the sunrises that I see along the interstate as I drive to work, reminders that there is another side of the sunrise where things are even more beautiful.

Equally I am grateful for the sunset that I saw on the way home from work the other day, so beautiful it defies description, I can only say that now I understand why no word rhymes with orange, it keeps poets from describing sunsets like that one, they couldn't do it justice and shouldn't try.

I'm thankful that there aren't enough hymnals in church and that sometimes we have to share.

I'm thankful for first times and last times.

I'm grateful to God that he provides a time and a place for everything, a season for everything and a measure for everything. That we can experience his plan and find knowledge, pleasure, peace and comfort in every life experience. Even in hardship he provides a time and place for us to learn what needs to be learned, even if the lesson is, “be quiet and lesson.” God in his wisdom gives us a season and a time to forget, many times we consider that an infirmity, but I'm not sure that it really is.

I am thankful that I have had opportunities to love, give of myself and share and that for an undetermined amount of time I may continue to do so.

I am thankful for tears, they come with joy, sorrow and belly laughs.

I am thankful that my first heart surgery won't be installation.

I call this a Grown Up Gratitude List as a bit of a take on the holiday song, “My Grown Up Christmas List.” That list calls for people to get a long, no war, food for everyone...and so on. My gratitude list is sincerely a list that gets pondered on so often, not every item every day, but every item sometime. We don't realize that we are grateful for somethings until it slaps us in the face, we don't know that we have enough or enough to share until we are called upon to do so and often we don't know how grateful we are for something until we don't have it anymore. Then there are times when we are grateful for things and experiences from the time we have them until the time they are gone. I am truly thankful that I can say Thank You and I'm Grateful and not have to fear that anyone will say...”for that?” I'd have to respond, “yes, even for that.”

This is my Grown Up Gratitude List.

Soul Food at the Crown

Friday was a day for running errands and doing chores, well, some chores, not all of them got done. Are chores really ever done? After having run around most of the midday I decided that it was time for some soul food. I'm not talking about the kind of soul food that one savors at a table with others, I'm talking about food for the soul.

About the soul, recently I found a quote from C. S. Lewis that really speaks to me, Mr. Lewis said, “We are a soul, we have a body.” I like the way that he thinks on this subject, I like to think that it is really the way that we are created. I can see God creating our soul, our most inner being, the part of our self that he made for himself. By the same token, I can see God creating our bodies so that there would be a temporary place to house our soul until he claims it again from earth to take unto himself. I'm not exactly sure why he feels the need to share us with the world, though I feel pretty sure it is so that our soul will be fed and nurtured and ultimately strengthened. I'm no theologian, I'm just a regular guy away from home. (You have heard me say that before though.)

If you are reading this and you are not from Indianapolis you may not be aware of what Crown Hill really is, Crown Hill is the fifth largest cemetery in the United States. Crown Hill is believed by some to be the highest point in the state and while I'm not sure of the validity of that I do know that it is the highest point in Marion County. The cemetery is a place of beauty and while some people would think it creepy, I see it as a wonderful garden in the central city, a place where there are a huge variety of trees, flower beds and the resting place of some of the state's native sons and daughters, many of them people of note.

The high point that is known as Crown Hill was once known as Strawberry Hill and was a well known picnic spot when the city was growing. The pinnacle is now the burial site of James Whitcomb Riley a well known poet in Indiana and other place too, I'm sure. Atop this hill is a monument to Riley that was paid for by the children of Indiana who gave pennies in order to fund the gray stone rectangle of columns that support beams of the same stone. The custom is to leave pennies on the tablet that gives the name and dates for the poet, the coins are collected and given to Riley Children's Hospital here in the city. It is said that if one tosses a penny into the air and it lands on one of the beams a wish will be granted. Of course, I always try this and like I told a friend of mine recently, I somehow think that it doesn't work when you stand there pitching a roll of pennies one at a time in order to make the mark and then walk away feeling confident that your wish is going to come true. I have only gotten it on the first try once in the many years that I have climbed the hill either on foot or by car.

I didn't go to the hill to make a wish or visit the graves of the city's former movers and shakers, I went there because in autumn it is one of the most beautiful sights in the city. When you are standing on the concrete that surrounds Riley's monument and look out over the city you don't see what the city really looks like, you see what it could look like or maybe even would want to look like if the city had an actual soul. There is only beauty, there are no pot holes, there is no crime, there are no drugs being sold in front of my apartment, there is no government trying to figure out how to solve the previous mentioned items. There is only a sea of autumn leaves and in the distance there is the city skyline. It is an awesome view for a city the size of Indianapolis. If you look to the east you can see the Colosseum at the state fair grounds, to the west and not so far away you can see the Indianapolis Museum of Art and on a really clear day like Friday you can see the pyramids on the north side. The city's tributes to architecture are all visible from this high point. So, Crown Hill is a place to truly drink in the beauty that is Indianapolis.

There is more to the hill than just a wonderful vantage point to see the city and that's the reason why I went. I wanted the food for my soul that comes with seeing the beauty that surrounded me, but what's more I wanted the strength of the monument and the time alone in a place closer to heaven. The wind was brisk and cold and while I had a jacket in the van, I didn't want to wear it, instead I wanted the sun heated stone column to be my warmth, I rested my back against one while I surveyed the city and looked to the sky that was that shade of blue that we only get to see a few times a year. I wanted to be in a place where there was a certain amount of quiet, the street noise is muted at this elevation. I found the things that I wanted there. After my effort to achieve good luck I stood at the top of the hill hugging the warm column, my eyes closed, thinking about the strength that was the reason stone is used for the purpose of erecting monuments that are meant to last. I hugged it and thought of the strength and power of a warm hug, the only down side is that a stone doesn't hug back. While I looked to the sky in it's glory I was reminded that while we think of heaven as being just beyond the verge of sky we are really not closer to heaven while standing on a hill, even the highest one in the city.

While I looked across the vastness and drank in the autumn wind and the shining blue sky I knew that my soul was being fed and that I was going to be warmed by the love I show to others, not the granite stones that soon will be cold and hard and gray, much like the winter will be.