Saturday, December 23, 2006

Blue Christmas, a different spin on the song.

"I'll have a blue Christmas without you,
I'll be so blue thinking about you,
You'll be doing alright with your Christmas of white
but I'll have a bluebluee Christmas."
-Johnny Cash

Firstly, I have to say, that when I Googled the words to this familiar Christmas song, I had no idea that Johnny Cash was the one who penned the words. Makes sense to me now why he wore black. But then he confessed while wearing a guitar, "I don't play this thing, but it looks good on me."

Lost love, a love that never was, unexplainable depression, stressful jobs, uncaring and rude fellow travelers on the journey, loss of a job or job insecurity, family problems, (I hate the word dysfunctions,) lack of family, loneliness, health concerns, a hungry soul or a simply starving inner feeling, death and grief, watching someone waste away, watching someone waste their life or potential, those who have family or friends fighting on fields of battle, people coping with abuses. This is only a partial list, no doubt in my mind. A list of ingredients that can provide for a Blue Christmas.

The Indianapolis Star carried a story December 21st about an east coast church which was only one of the many churches who are having Blue Christmas services. The notion is that many people for one of the reasons listed above, or other reasons, may not be emotionally able to "celebrate" Christmas. I tip my hat to these churches as they recognize a very special need in the church, or rather the life of their parishioners.

The list above isn't about the people who are generally remembered at Christmas. So many churches and service organizations use Christmas as a special time to feed, clothe and provide for those in need. These needs are obvious to our senChristianristan responsibility mostly during the Christmas season, even though they exist all year. Jesus even reminds us in scripture that the poor will always be with us.

The list above points more to the "poor in spirit" that Jesus spoke of in the Sermon on the Mount, but even being poor in spirit is a real poverty. We tend to be quick to pray for those who have appetites but no food. But when do we pray for those who have food, but no appetites?

I'll be the first to say that Johnny Cash's poignant words were surely not written as a Christmas Hymn, but certainly it is a tune about the first situation on my list; a lost love. The list by the way, was listed in no particular order.

Churches having services for people who cringe at the term Merry Christmas is a true blessing for many. For them there is no merry Christmas, no happy holidays being celebrated, no matter how hard they may try, the feeling just isn't there. Not having these feelings of merry and happy only adds to the sense that it is a Blue Christmas. I don't think any of these many will argue that the reason for the season is a joyous one, but one that they are having a hard time being a part of since the joy just doesn't seem to be felt like they might wish it would be or the way that it was in the past.

I'm sorry Frank Boles of St. Paul's Episcopal Church, I'm only going to use the part of your Indianapolis Star interview quote that serves my point best, but I feel confident that you would understand. Frank said, "...Worship is the central way that we all come together." Be that a worship filled with majestic organ, strings, pounding timpani and children's choirs shouting at the tops of their little lungs. Or maybe it's the warm fuzzy feeling that some people get when they sing Silent Night while they wave those candles around and sling wax down the back of their fellow worshipers new sports coat or their old sweaters for that matter, I've learned it best to wear fire fighter's gear to church on Christmas Eve. These things that make so many happy and nostalgic are the very things that add to the discomfort of those having a blue Christmas. Yet it remains that worship is the central way that we all come together.

For me, the guy with a love that never was, who has bouts with depression and this year toss grief into the mix, I don't want or need the drastic tempo changes in the traditional Christmas Eve service, the one that goes from Silent night to Joy to the World in sixty seconds or less. I truly desire the , "Still, Still, Still." the quiet gathering of family all offering to one another a shared history. I want to celebrate with them for as long as they are with me. Then I hope that God will grant my grown up Christmas wish, the wish for a significant person to share my life with, be it in time for New Year's Eve when the kiss is supposed to come at midnight or when I stand at the racks of Valentine's Day cards and wish.

It isn't just the Christmases that are blue.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Burping the Baby Jesus

“While shepherds watched their flocks by night,
all seated on the ground,
the angel of the Lord appeared
and glory shone around...”

These words were in my page a day style calendar this week, only the idea of this calendar is there are words that are heard wrong by people that sometimes make the tune funny. My coworker Melonie was in the showroom when she heard me howling with laughter in the back room. I had just torn off the previous day's page and read the words for the new day. The words that had been heard wrong were, “While shepherds washed their socks by night.” Okay, for some these words may be considered sacrilege. But think about it, shepherds would want clean socks, and after a hard day of trudging around the pasture and the rocky ledges I'm sure that there was nothing more comforting than to put the sheep in the fold and kick off the shoes. Maybe one of them went so far as to say, “My dogs are barking.” that may have brought a chuckle among them as they realized that they do use dogs to help tend sheep.

I love the scriptural texts of Christmas. From the very beginning on through to the very end when the wise men show up. (Just for the record, is there a difference between a wise man and wise guy?) I think that we tend to look at the scriptural texts for Christmas with such a deep sense of romance that we fail to see the real story, the things that make, “God made flesh,” seem more fairy tale like than they really could have been.

One of my favorite Christmas books is for children, or so the booksellers claim. The book titled simply, The Nativity has only the words taken from the traditional scriptural texts of the Christmas story, it's the illustrations by Julie Vivas that gives the story the better view of the events described in scripture. If you love the Christmas story you should run, not walk, to the library or the local book store and see if you can snag a copy of this tome. You will know it when you see it, the illustrations are done in watercolor pencil and the illustration on the cover is that of a very pregnant Mary standing by the donkey while Joseph leans down, his hands in a makeshift stirrup ready to give her a leg up. The look on her face says, “yeah, like that's gonna work, honey.”

Gabriel with giant angel wings dragging behind him, tiptoes in army boots toward the unsuspecting Mary. If anyone can tiptoe in army boots, he does it. The angel finds Mary hanging the wash on the line. One of my favorite pictures in this part of the story shows Mary and Gabriel sitting at a kitchen table drinking from bowls, latte anyone?

But just as we learn in scripture, while Mary's soul was magnifying the Lord, Joseph has a look of absolute, “what in the?” The pictures that follow show Mary with a growing child within, making baby clothes, stirring up dinner.

The picture of the inn is possibly one of the most compelling. There are people sitting in the trees, sleeping in the awnings over the door of the inn, a massive crowd. It shows Mary sitting on a rock, leaning against Joseph's back while he pours sand from his shoe.

Then the baby comes, and believe it or not, he's born naked. Bet you never thought about that, the Son of God born sans swaddling. The pictures that follow show an exhausted mother, a doting father all resting amidst the chickens and straw.

Further into the story, there are shepherds peeking at the baby with their lips shaped in coos and their eyes filled with tenderness and awe. You know that one of them had to say those immortal words, the words said by everyone who sees a newborn, “look at his fingers, their so tiny.”

The pictures of the arrival of the wise men makes me giggle. While an angel in a tree offers a treat to one of the camels, two of the wise men are standing at a clothes line with diapers hanging from it. They present their gifts while Mary shows off the little one and Joseph sits beaming next to her.

At the end it shows Mary getting on the donkey while Joseph untethers it and an angel holds the baby while all of that happens.

If we take all of the romance away from the charming Christmas card portraits of the holy family shot by Lifestyles Portraiture or Glamour Shots we see a family, touched by God in a very special way, they are the first to receive, "God with us." They are the first to bathe our salvation, clip his fingernails, wash his diapers and deal with it when he spits up. Yep, I'm sure that Jesus did these very things, "he became flesh and dwelt among us." Experienced everything that we do. Mary and Joseph had the honor and privilege to care for a child who would save the world, but only after he experienced real life.

No doubt in my mind, at that first Christmas, “Shepherds washed their socks by night,” and there was an interruption while they did it. One of the most wonderful and awe inspiring interruptions in the history of the world.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Angels Running, a tip of the hat to Patty Larkin

Chorus:
“All those angels runnin'
Picking up the pieces
Putting back together hearts broke long ago
I know a good thing when I see it
And's a bad thing to let go.”

A Patty Larkin tune has been running through my head a lot lately. I heard it on a Christmas Album that I was playing. The song called Good Thing, (aka Angles Running) is a bit abstract when you read the entire lyrics. It's the chorus that gets me. I've heard both Patty Larkin sing it and I've heard Cher sing it. Either one, their voices are clear and exacting enough that I can understand every word of the chorus.

There is a visual there that I can see with very clear eyes. I think it is because that so often I think that I do see the angels running through my life picking up the pieces. I don't think that they put them back together though. I believe that they give them to God and he puts them back together. Let's just call it a theology thing, however, I'll admit that the entire notion really has no scriptural or theological basis at all. God doesn't need someone running around my life picking up the pieces. Like I said, he puts them back together, I know that he picks them up himself. However, there is a certain romantic picture that is brought to mind when you see the angels running about picking up little pieces of what? Broken hearts.

Broken hearts, they can be broken for so many reasons. Surely, most people have a vision of the pieces of broken hearts being swept up and being put back together because of a lost love. I thought that I had that experience once, but my heart was broken not so much because of a lost love, but because of a dashed dream. I was young and had never experienced a, “loving relationship” like the kind that establishes communion between two people. I had been involved with an older man who I had expectations of, he couldn't meet them because he was seeing someone else without my knowledge. I walked away with a broken heart. The pieces didn't get put back together, the results have been long lasting.

Hearts can be broken when a job prospect doesn't come through, or when a life is lost or when the last dip of Mudslide ice cream has been sold at Baskin Robbins. ( I don't even know if they have a flavor like that.) Sometimes hearts are broken over the trivial and I can't imagine angels running in to pick up the parts to repair such things.

I had a dream once of owning my own business, I did for three years and when the bottom fell out of it because of the economy right after September 11th, well, I lost it back to the original owner, I was heart broken, but what's more, I was ruined. One of the verses of the song says, “I've been around, I've been up and down, until I bent out of control. With your world all in motion, you got to put a ball and chain on your soul.” This broken heart experience put a ball and chain on my soul. I do believe that the angels are still running to pick up those pieces and the ball and chain is in place until they can get it all back together. It hasn't stopped me, I grab the ball and carry it, but I also move slower because of it.
The pieces of my broken heart are often found when a gift I've given, time, talent or treasure falls victim to disrespect. I don't feel as though that I have much monetary treasure to offer the projects of the world, but I do have talent, I have the same 24 hours in my day that everyone else has, in fact there are days that if feels like I have two extra hours. (see the paragraph below.) My heart is broken when my gifts of time and talent are no more respected than the pennies that get kicked down the street because people don't see their worth. Alone they have very little to offer, but together they are of greater value. Were they people they may have a better attitude about understanding one another's gift being of value.

I see the, “angels running picking up the pieces,” when I realize that it isn't a sin to be single or lonely. Though I do feel shame from those emotions sometimes. I believe that the angels put those parts back together and put them back into me as quickly as they can. Pushing me out “there” in hopes that I will keep trying. Establishing friendships and relationships is hard for me because of that very first dashed dream.

Just as the first verse says, “Well, I've heard enough and I've seen enough and I know enough to know, I know a good thing when I see it, and it's a bad thing to let go.” Hope is what I've seen, heard and know enough to know. I think that it's important to add faith to that mix. I think that hope and faith is the epoxy that the angels use to put the hearts back together.

Imagine, “all those angels running,” it has to be a daunting task.